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The Jokes Of Yesterday, Today!

Anonymous said: Yo, when I was younger, I barely gave race or racism a thought. Now I see racism everyday. I'm definitely an angrier person now. Is it racist to long for those blissfully ignorant days?

yoisthisracist:

Sorry dogg, you’re supposed to be angry, the world is fucked up.

*94

It's Time to Retire 'Doctor Who' -- powered by Cracked.com

sorenbowie:

Dear Tumblr,

I watched forty episodes across every season of the new Doctor Who and I hated it. I’m sorry, I tried.

I watched one episode and came to the same conclusion. Twinsies.

spotastic:

THIS MAN LOCKED ME INSIDE HIS CAB.

Fuck this man. Fuck him so hard in the fucking face that his brain dies.

A long day of work and play and it was time to go home, so I was treating myself to a cab. One of the new Nissan Future Taxis picked me up. These things are spacious, but also have a very high separation wall, so you really don’t get a good view of the driver.  I told the cab driver to take me to Queens via the Midtown tunnel. We arrived at my destination, which is always across the street from my apartment building. I have never felt comfortable letting a cab driver know where I live. I paid the fair with a credit card. The driver told me I still owed him for the toll. I told him I have never paid separately for a toll before. He told me to wait a minute, but I did not see him doing anything, the separation wall is high.  I told him he should have added it in, I already paid the fare. He told me to wait a minute. I was feeling very uncomfortable and his behavior was feeling shady. I went to open the door and it was locked. I told him to unlock the door. He told me to wait a minute. I got LOUD and told him to unlock the door. He told me to wait a minute. I threatened to call the cops twice or more before he finally unlocked the door. I got out and walked the opposite direction. The Cab Driver got out, I turned around and he was pulling his unzipped pants up as he came around to the back of the cab. I yelled some things at him about jerking off that I can’t quite remember. They were not witty or clever, they were freaked out and coming from a place of shock.  He told me he was having me banished or some shit and was pointing to the sky.  I stepped into the street to take a photo of the license and he blocked the license plate.  My body started shaking realizing what was happening. Something I can’t prove.  But I will say it. This pile of garbage was keeping me locked inside his cab so he could jerk off with me in there. God knows if he had any other plans. I started officially walking away and called my husband and could barely get the words out. I started shaking and had to think really hard to get my body to move towards my building. Thankfully there is a median on the street I live on, so the Cab Driver could not make a U-turn and follow me. I made it to my buildings driveway and froze, a few minutes later, from a safe distance.  I saw the cab driver pass. My husband found me shivering and crying, frozen in place.

I have no proof is limp dick was in his hands while I was in the cab.

I can’t prove the door was locked and he refused to let me out.

I can and did dispute the charges on my credit card.

I can and did file a complaint with T & L commission.

If I ever take a cab again, I guess my first move is to always take a photo of their license and request the doors remain wide open while I am driven home.

FUCK THIS CAB DRIVER. 

FUCK HIM IN THE FACE UNTIL HIS BRAIN DIES.

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helloletsdate:

The most effective Pick Up Artist technique is the Bible Neg.

helloletsdate:

The most effective Pick Up Artist technique is the Bible Neg.

(Source: sandandglass, via paigelfinch)

(Source: katara, via izzyfizzz)

*1

"But Jesus, how come at the lowest points in my life there’s only one set of footprints? That’s when I needed you most!"

"Sorry bro, the McRib was back."

taliabobalia:

the only pun i’ll ever willingly admit to making

taliabobalia:

the only pun i’ll ever willingly admit to making

(via thisdanobrien)

The Jokes Of Yesterday, Today!

Anonymous said: A Friend Of Mine Constantly Makes Racist Jokes (She Is White) And If I Call Her On It She Simply Says "I Am Not Racist Some Of My Cousins Are Black" And I Am Not Sure How To Deal With It Is It Racist?

yoisthisracist:

Tell that fuckface that trotting out your black friend (in this case, not even willing black friends) to justify your racism is some racist bullshit that doesn’t fool anyone. Keep up that caps game, I’m feeling it.

It’s so cool that you got an ask from Jaden Smith

The Jokes Of Yesterday, Today!

Anonymous said: fuck people calling the second amendment "sacred". that shit was written by old white slaveowners who didn't know what a germ was. not gods.

yoisthisracist:

Sadly, this also holds true for like 99% of all laws on earth ever.